Invisible Pain

I recently came across a linky on Mad Mum of 7‘s blog, which aims to highlight invisible diseases.  Often people don’t understand the pain caused by something they can’t see, it’s hard for  them to quantify and so sometimes it’s as if it doesn’t exist.  A broken leg is easy to get your head around, but the countless invisible diseases are more difficult to understand.

I am suffering with quite a lot of pain at the moment.  I am struggling to keep my mood up, as the pain is so tiring.  Since I was 18 I have had arthritis in my lower back and over the years many horse related accidents have left me with three prolapsed discs.  I have had countless investigations, MRI’s and lots of physio, Acupuncture, Steroid and even Botox injections, but nothing as ever helped.

The only thing that has ever given me relief was pregnancy.  When you are pregnant your body produces Relaxin, which allows your ligaments to stretch in order for your pelvis to move and allow your baby to be born.  This hormone really helped my back pain, it was such a relief.  This relief was short lived, however, as I developed SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction) an instability of the pelvis caused by this loosening of the ligaments, the very thing that was helping me.  By the time I was 5 months pregnant I was really struggling and was having to use crutches to get about.  At times it would feel like my leg had popped out of the socket and I would be unable to weight bear for a while.  I made it to full term and was induced due to burst waters.  During birth, although I had detailed my issues on the birth plan, my legs got hoisted up in stirrups, as they had to get Baby out quickly.

After birth I could walk without crutches, I thought I was better and that things would go back to normal.  While my SPD is better now than when I was pregnant, it still gives me pain on a daily basis and negatively impacts my life.  I struggle to walk very far, I am always in some degree of pain and my ‘normal’ back pain has come back too.

I am struggling to stay of an even keel, as some days I am twitching with the pain.  I find it hard to pick Baby up and there are times when all I want to do is lie down, but obviously you can’t when your a mum with a baby who wants to play.  I have to be careful about the amount of medication I take, as they can make me sick and very drowsy.  I never want to feel not 100% in control when I am on my own with Baby.

The aim of this post is not for anyone to pity me.  There are people living with worse pain and illness’s than me.  The point is to try and raise awareness for these invisible issues that many of us are coping with on a daily basis.  Just because you can’t see something, doesn’t mean it’s not there, having a massive impact on people’s lives day in day out.



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