I have been thinking a lot about the size of our family recently and discussing it with my mummy friends. It seems that it is expected by most people – the Doctors when you go for your 6 weeks check up, Midwives when you are still smarting from pushing the first baby out and pretty much everyone else you meet along the way, that you will immediately go on to have more kids. I was undecided and, as a planner by nature, the whole thing was playing on my mind. At 36 time is not on my side my friend.
On one hand it would be nice to have a sibling for Baby to play with, someone to grow up with. Maybe it would complete our family unit?. Mr Hubby and his sister get on very well and I would love Baby to have what they have. However, my sister and I don’t speak, so it could easily go that way. Would Baby be lonely if she is an only child? Research states it actually makes no difference and thinking back I didn’t play with my sister at all growing up (5 years apart) and I certainly never felt I was missing out. I have also heard stories about parents who have a favourite child and definitely couldn’t cope if I felt like that. I have a favourite dog and feel really bad for the other one (poor Lou Lou!). But a recent survey found 34% of mothers apparently do feel like that.
Also for me pregnancy was physically demanding and has left me the memento of a knackered pelvis. Would my pelvis cope with another pregnancy? Would my brain cope with trying for a baby again?. To be honest it sent me a bit mad the first time. When all this would be going on, Baby would be growing up without my full attention and focus. That isn’t what I want for her and no doubt there would be more guilt for me.
A major consideration would be our finances. I think we would find financing a second child very hard. We are in a position where both of us need to work and the nursery fee’s for one baby are bad enough, but two would be crazy.
A friend, who also had issues conceiving, gave me her perspective. She said that if someone had offered us the opportunity to have one child two years ago, we would have bitten their hands off, having never thought it would happen at all. So we have everything we ever dreamed of with our babies and it is o.k to be content with what we have. It’s fine and acceptable to resist the tide of belief that everyone should go on to have 2.4 children and enjoy what we have without pressure to go through it all again. I want Baby to have 100% of me. Anyway who would you rather be?! 🙂